Sorry for the break!

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Hello to any of you still out there!  I apologize for my absence.  Philip and I recently made a long-distance move from Colorado to Indiana and the packing, the moving, the settling, and the job hunt have not left me much time for blogging.  And, I was also rather burned out on wedding stuff.  I am hoping to jump back in and finish up everything I meant to before the break.  And, I apologize.  I haven't checked my wedding email in a very, very long time.  So, for those of you who asked questions or just dropped me a line, I promise to get back to you very soon! 

And, I will get back into those promised posts starting... NOW!

Our little secret...

Philip and I had our wedding on September 24, 2011.  However, we had a tiny little secret.  We actually got legally married on September 24, 2010.  

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Yes, I know.  You're shocked.  We only told our close relatives.  We didn't want to take away from the wedding ceremony.

You see, in Colorado, to get married, you go to the administration building (not even the courthouse!) and tell them your name, social security number, address, etc., and then you sign at the bottom of the page.  And presto!  You're married!

I'm serious.  It took about 5 minutes for us to get legally married.  (sadly, divorce in Colorado is also super easy)

Anywho, we didn't want to make a big deal out of it because we were still not really considering ourselves as truly married.  I still went by my maiden name and Philip didn't wear a wedding band.  We weren't going to be really married until 365 days later at our actual ceremony.  :)

However, we did go out and have a nice dinner to celebrate (it didn't seem right to treat it as a completely normal day!).  

Here we are after returning home from getting (legally) hitched and having a very tasty Italian dinner (Venice Ristorante in Denver -- super delicious!).

Why did we do it?  The usual -- money.  I wouldn't have to pay for my insurance through my company (Philip's was cheaper).  And, it meant we got back a bunch of money on our taxes instead of owing (and we needed that money for wedding and honeymoon plans!).  

Do I regret it?  Nope.  Not even a little.  Looking back, I can say that our legal marriage went off without a hitch -- something I cannot say about our actual wedding ceremony!  Ha!  The money we gained from it helped us have a great honeymoon (and less stressing!).  And, it was nice to have a kind of intimate day to legally bind ourselves. 

Should you get legally married before your actual wedding?  That's entirely up to you.  I had a good experience with it.  However, I know some people have had bad experiences.  And some people will judge you for it.  I think it's an entirely personal decision to be decided by you and your partner alone! 

Now Philip and I have THREE anniversaries: Dating, Legal Marriage, and Wedding!  My sister even teased me the day of the wedding saying that she wasn't sure if she should get me a wedding card or an anniversary card!  Smartass!  :P

I miss the times when wedding planning was fun.

I'm not complaining about the long list of things left to do.  I'm not complaining about money.  This issue is different entirely.

You all know that we spent last week in Pennsylvania visiting Philip's grandfather (Pop-Pop) in the hospital because he had a series of strokes and a heart attack.  Well, a heart valve is still leaking and they need to do surgery.  He also has some sort of bacterial infection on his heart.  He is supposed to be on a 6 week antibiotic and then have surgery afterwards.  He had yet another heart attack while he was in the hospital a few days ago.  They thought about moving up the surgery but didn't because his chances of survival would be really low.  

Now they are trying to make it to September 22nd to do the surgery.  His chances of making it through that surgery are "touch and go" (I swear, if I have to hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to slap someone).  If he has to have the surgery before then, the chances of survival are even more slim.  

For those of you who may have missed that, the surgery is scheduled for 2 days before our wedding.  Philip's dad's side of the family are telling us that they won't make it to the wedding.  They will hopefully be by their father's side while he is making a full recovery in the hospital.  I hope so much that this is the case.

If that is the case, we will be celebrating what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives without a lot of very important people.  

If the unthinkable happens and Pop Pop doesn't make it through the surgery, what do we do?  How do we have a wedding when one of the people who helped raise Philip has just passed?  I can't even think of that.  

I'm in tears thinking of either possibility.  This is supposed to be a happy time.  Where is my happiness?  

I wish we could just postpone the wedding.  But, I don't think it's a possibility.  Invitations have gone out.  Deposits (or more) have been paid.  People have made travel arrangements already. 

I hate this so much.  I just want to cancel it all and curl up in a ball to sleep for weeks.  

Pop-Pop is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met.  He reminds me so much of Philip (or I guess Philip reminds me of him since he's the elder person).  I joke that I know that I don't have anything to worry about for our future because I know exactly what Philip will be like when he's older -- Pop-Pop.  

Pop-Pop and Philip playing croquet. 

I've written about the ceremony that I wrote myself for our wedding.  In the welcome, I address Philip's Grammy and Pop-Pop.  You see, our wedding day falls on their wedding anniversary.  So, Jon will say something like, "May Philip and Tara enjoy a long and happy marriage like yours."  

I find myself working on wedding projects and thinking, "Why am I doing this?  This doesn't mean anything."  

Now, not only will most of my family not be there, but neither will most of Philip's family.  Right now, I've got 24 Yes RSVPs.  Realistically, we will have 10, maybe 15 more.  Out of the 160 people we invited, we will be lucky to have 40.  It's so depressing.  

We've put so much time, effort, and money into what will amount to nothing more than a large backyard barbecue.

I'm sorry to be a Debbie Downer.  I know it's not what you want to read.  I just have to let it out somewhere.  I knew that I'd be stressed at the end, I just had no idea that I'd be stressed anything other than "Did we order enough cake?" or "Did I remember to bring my veil?"  You know, the usual stuff.  I didn't think we'd be dealing with Pop-Pop's health issues or a lack of guests to celebrate with.  

I just have to keep reminding myself that it will still be a wonderful day spent with the love of my life.  And, we will have a freakin' awesome 10 day Italian honeymoon to wash any sorrows away with.  And then I will get to come home and celebrate with the family I wish could've been there.  

Oh, the things I would change about this wedding if I could just go back in time. 

Happy Engage-versary to us!

I want to apologize for the lack of activity on the blog for the past week.  Philip and I found out that his grandfather was in the hospital late Friday night and immediately drove the 1,600 miles to Pennsylvania to be with him.  We stopped off in Indiana to drop off the dogs at my parents' house and to get a break from driving.  After a few hours break, we got back in the car and finished the drive.  It was about 31 hours of travel.  It was exhausting, but at least we made it safely.  We actually just got back to Colorado this morning at about 4:30am.  

Philip's grandfather is doing as well as can be expected after a series of strokes and a heart attack.  He also has some kind of bacterial infection.  By the time we left, he was doing much better, but he's still got a long road ahead of him and probably some surgeries.


Anyway, I meant to blog about our engagement anniversary, but I was in a hospital in Pennsylvania and couldn't blog very easily!  So, August 14th was our one year engagement anniversary.  I thought I'd celebrate it by telling you all of the story of how it came about.


Philip and I had been discussing marriage for quite some time.  I tried to convince Philip that I didn't want an engagement ring, but he couldn't be swayed.  So, I showed him the kinds of rings that I like.  


Several weeks later, we were cooking out at our house and just relaxing.  When we finished, I started cleaning up and Philip went to check the mail.  I was tired from being in the sun all day so I laid down on the couch and started to drift off to sleep.  I heard Philip come into the house and I yelled out to him "What came in the mail?"  Then I heard him kneel behind the couch and say, "This did."  


I opened my eyes to see what he was talking about and saw a beautiful box holding an even more beautiful ring.  I immediately jumped up (not so tired anymore!) and Philip asked me to marry him.  Of course, I said YES!  


I asked him if he had talked to my parents about it and he said that he hadn't.  So, I took a photo of my ring on my finger and sent it to my mom, my dad, and my sister with the simple message, "Guess what!"  


It was just a few minutes later when I got a call back from my parents.  They were ecstatic as I knew they would be.  :)  Then we started telling our friends.  And, of course, we made it Facebook official (after all, nothing is official until it's on Facebook!).  

There you have it!  We started thinking about a date that day.  We knew we wanted a September wedding and, of course, it needed to be in Yankee colors.  And, it was decided that day that we'd be honeymooning in Italy.  And, then the whirlwind of wedding planning began. It's been quite an adventure.  Only 37 days to go!  Yuck!  

Bride Brain

I've told you all about some of the dreams (nightmares!) I've had about the wedding during the planning process.  Well, they continue but they aren't happening that often now.  However, I now have a new problem: Bride Brain.

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For those of you who don't know, Bride Brain is the technical term to what happens to a woman's mind during the wedding planning process.  Basically, it turns to mush.  Ha!  

Seriously though, I find it hard to concentrate on things because of everything I've got going on.  I'll be doing invoicing for work and suddenly think, "When is the payment due for the cake?"  Or, I'll be grocery shopping and think, "Did I forget someone on the guest list?"  Or I will be talking to someone and suddenly think of a great song to play at the reception (and of course completely lose my train of thought!).  

It gets worse.  I think I'm more stressed that what I am letting myself realize (I honestly don't feel that stressed out).  I said that the wedding nightmares have lessened, but I am still having crazy dreams.  

I wasn't actually going to tell you all this because it is slightly embarrassing, but I just have to tell you because it's hilarious.  

I sleep in the nude.  I have for years.  I find it hard to sleep when I'm wearing clothes because I feel constricted.  I also get too hot.  This isn't true, however, when I'm staying at my parents' house.  That's because my dad typically comes down to my bedroom before work to tell me goodbye and that he loves me (sweet, I know).  Well, I don't really want my dad to come downstairs and accidentally see me naked!  So, I always wear clothes to bed when I'm at my parents.

Well, lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night.  For some reason, I think that I'm at my parents' house.  Then I have a mini panic attack because I'm worried my dad is going to come into my room and see me naked.  So, I get out of bed, go to my closet and get some clothes to wear.  Then I go back to bed.

When my alarm goes off in the morning, for a few seconds, I wonder why I am wearing clothes.  Then I remember that it must not have been a dream!  It's really strange.  One day I woke up wearing the clothes that I had laid out the night before for work.  Then I had to pick something else to wear that day because the shirt was too wrinkly!  

It's kind of embarrassing because I don't know why it's happening.  But, it's happened about 4 times now in the past two weeks.  My dad even called me last week to harass me about it (thanks for telling him, Mom!  :P)!  

But, I hope that you've at least gotten a chuckle out of my stressed out Bride Brain.  ;)

What's up, Vermont??

I keep up with who is looking at my blog.  I track it through Google Analytics just out of curiosity.  It started when I put a hit counter on my blog.  You see, I had originally put up the blog thinking that I'd be the only one to read it.  So, when the hit counter started showing that people were actually reading it, I was shocked.  

Then I thought, well, it's probably just my close family reading the blog.  So, I linked my blog to Google Analytics to see if that was the case.  Google breaks down how the viewers are finding your site (directly or through a search -- and then what the search word was) and where they are viewing from.  

Imagine my surprise when it showed viewers from all over the country.  Well, that has been months ago.  Now, I have viewers from all over the world (I still can't believe it!).  I have had at least one visitor from every state in the U.S. except for Vermont.  What's up with that Vermont!?  Ha!

It's been like this for at least a month.  I check it about once every week or two to see if it has changed, but nada.  No Vermont visitors.  I have 225 visitors from Europe, 95 from Asia, 21 from Africa, 82 from Australia, 41 from South and Central America, and 229 visits from Canada (since I've been tracking at least).  But no visits from Vermont.  Tisk, Tisk.  

Well, Vermont, I will await the day when I am worthy of a visit from your great state.  Seriously.  I'm waiting.  Hurry up!

Our anniversary :)

Our first date.

Today is the anniversary of our first date.  Two years ago today (May 15, 2009), Philip and I went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant in Charlotte, North Carolina and then went to a concert.  We went with another couple (friends of Philip).  We watched Julianne Hough, then Blake Shelton, and then George Strait.  We had our first kiss under the stars as George Strait serenaded us.  It's one of the most memorable nights of my life.  

Of course, we had a long history before our first date.  I met Philip in January of 2005.  My car broke down in the middle of nowhere.  I was with my then boyfriend, Joe.  Joe called friends of his to come rescue us.  Philip drove out to Podunk, North Carolina to pick us up.  I treated him to IHOP for coming all the way out to get us (if you know Philip, you'll know that free food is definitely a great way to win his friendship!).  

After that, we became friends.  Over the years, we hung out every now and then when he was in town.  Then we started hanging out every weekend.  He became my best friend.  In 2009, when I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years, he was there for me.  He helped me through everything.  He was understanding and supportive.  

Then, he asked me out on a date.  At first, I was skeptical.  I really did like Philip, but I was worried about ruining our friendship.  But, I said yes.  And, I am so incredibly glad that I did.  Our friendship has only grown.  He's more than I ever thought to ask for in a man.  He's perfect (for me, at least!).  I love him more than I knew was possible.   He makes me happy.  And, though it took some time for us to realize it, we are soulmates.  So, happy anniversary to us.  :)

Earthquake

In the mess of wedding planning, I know that some of us get caught up and forget about what is truly important in life.  Yes, the weddings that we are planning are important.  But don't forget about why we are planning this wedding in the first place.  It is to bring together all of the people we love to help us celebrate the joining of two people.  

Don't let dresses or invitations or bridal showers get in the way of friendships or families.  After all, you never know how much time you have on this earth.  You can't predict when something like this is going to happen:

Be thankful for all that you have.  Remember what is really important.  Remember to enjoy life and tell the people you care about that you love them.  You never know if you'll have another chance.  And keep those in Japan and the areas affected by the tsunamis afterwards in your thoughts and prayers.  

Rude People

FYI: This blog post is technically only sort of wedding related.

I work for a property management firm in Denver, Colorado.  I deal with people all day long.  Fortunately, most of the people I come into contact with are friendly.  Today, I had the wonderful fortune to deal with someone not in that category.

I was in a really good mood today (despite a crappy morning) because it's Friday and I get to see Philip tonight. You see, Philip works nights and I work days.  So, Monday through Thursday, we see each other for about 45 minutes (the time between when I get home and when Philip has to leave for work) and then we are together Friday night after I get off work (I get home at about 4:00pm), all day Saturday, and Sunday until he has to go to work about about 4:45pm.  It is difficult, but we make it work.  

Well, I went to deliver a check to a tenant on the floor right above us and I was chatting up the lady at the front desk and the other gentleman in the room.  I asked about their weekends and whatnot; just making small talk.  Then the lady asked me about my weekend.  I told her about Philip working nights and she said something that I still cannot believe.

She said, "That marriage is never going to last."  

I was in shock.  Who says something like that?  Where is that lady's censor?  I don't care if I don't think a marriage is going to work, if I don't know the people, I'm certainly not going to say anything like that!  

So, in my shock, I kind of tried to laugh it off and then I got the hell out of the room before she could say anything else offensive.  

I am still in shock.  How rude!  My marriage is going to be just like my relationship has always been with Philip (where we have always had different schedules): Perfect.  :P