BUSY!!!!

That's my response whenever anyone asks me how I am lately.  Originally, I was supposed to take all of the wedding crafts and the dogs to Indiana this Friday (the 16th).  Well, plans changed when Philip got an interview in Chicago for this past Tuesday (if you want to know more, you can check out my other blog).  It was decided that he'd just take everything since he'd be heading that direction anyway.  

Well, that pushed the trip up by a week which meant that I had to finish all of my projects in about 2 days instead of a week.  And, I also had to shop for the honeymoon, pack, and get everything boxed up and put in Philip's Pilot.  It was exhausting!  But, I managed.  My house is so quiet without the dogs though.  I miss them terribly already.  They don't bark in the house, but it's so weird to not have them under my feet all the time or hear four sets of dog feet running down the stairs to greet me. 

Philip with Cody the day before they left -- they were wrestling.  Obviously Philip was winning.  ;)

On top of that, I also took on a ton more responsibility at work and have been crazy busy there (and working longer hours).  Have I mentioned lately how much I'm looking forward to the honeymoon??  ;)  

Speaking of the honeymoon, I got some Euros today from the bank.  It's just to get us through the travel and first day or so (when we can't use our debit card).  It's exciting though because I think it's the last thing we had to do for the honeymoon!  That means that it's REALLY close!  Eleven days until we leave!  :)

Anyway, I got a bunch of projects done, so I'll be blogging about them soon.  Thanks for bearing with me through the insanity.  :)

RSVP Deadline

I have read countless blog posts about brides having to track down guests who have failed to RSVP by the deadline.  I was under no illusion that I would be any different.  However, I didn't think it would be this bad.  

The RSVP deadline was Saturday, September 3rd.  That gave people plenty of time to figure out if they were coming or not.  It's not as if I made things complicated.  I gave them a self addressed, stamped envelope.  And the RSVP already had their names on the card.  All they had to do is put a check mark next to "Will attend" or "Will not attend."  SUPER EASY PEOPLE!

However, apparently it's not nearly as simple as I thought.  I have now received 81 responses out of 161 people.  That's right at half!  

I will now call out people who should be ashamed.  First of all, I'd like to point out that Philip's paternal grandparents sent back their RSVP despite the fact that Pop Pop has been in the hospital fighting for his life pretty much since the invitations were sent.  So, all of the rest of you have no valid excuse!  :P

We have not received RSVPs from ANY of my dad's siblings (there are five of them).  We also haven't received RSVPs back from Philip's dad or from either of his invited siblings.  We've only received one RSVP back from Philip's dad's siblings (there are seven of them).  And, we never received an RSVP back from the best man.  

Of course, we didn't receive a whole lot more of them back, but those are the people who are most on my shit list and should've been the first to send theirs in!

I'm seriously irritated that I spent that much money on stamps for them and made it SO easy and we still only received half back.  I know that some of them were probably not sent back because they assumed that I knew they wouldn't be making it (or that they would).  However, that should mean it's even easier for them.  The day you get it, simply check yes or no and stick that envelope right back in the mailbox!  Easy as pie!  

Grrrr... I can't believe how irritating this process is.  I just have to keep thinking, we're going to have a beautiful day no matter who did or did not remember to send back their RSVPs.  And, I'll eventually forgive those who did not.  ;) 

The Show Must Go On...

I'm tired of being depressed.  This wedding may not be exactly as I imagined it to be, but it's still the day that I will have to show the world that Philip and I choose to spend the rest of our lives together.  A lot of important people will be missing that day, but the two most important people will still be there: Philip and I.  

And, honestly, that's what is important.  My parents will be there.  Philip's parents will be there.  Our siblings will be there.  Many people in our families will be there.  And, a good many of our friends are making the journey to be there.  

It's going to be beautiful, even if it's a bit smaller than I had imagined.  There will still be people there who love us and want to share our day with us.  

So, we are going to continue this wedding planning process.  And I'm going to enjoy it as much as possible.  Because this is still going to be a day to celebrate the love that Philip and I have for each other.  

I miss the times when wedding planning was fun.

I'm not complaining about the long list of things left to do.  I'm not complaining about money.  This issue is different entirely.

You all know that we spent last week in Pennsylvania visiting Philip's grandfather (Pop-Pop) in the hospital because he had a series of strokes and a heart attack.  Well, a heart valve is still leaking and they need to do surgery.  He also has some sort of bacterial infection on his heart.  He is supposed to be on a 6 week antibiotic and then have surgery afterwards.  He had yet another heart attack while he was in the hospital a few days ago.  They thought about moving up the surgery but didn't because his chances of survival would be really low.  

Now they are trying to make it to September 22nd to do the surgery.  His chances of making it through that surgery are "touch and go" (I swear, if I have to hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to slap someone).  If he has to have the surgery before then, the chances of survival are even more slim.  

For those of you who may have missed that, the surgery is scheduled for 2 days before our wedding.  Philip's dad's side of the family are telling us that they won't make it to the wedding.  They will hopefully be by their father's side while he is making a full recovery in the hospital.  I hope so much that this is the case.

If that is the case, we will be celebrating what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives without a lot of very important people.  

If the unthinkable happens and Pop Pop doesn't make it through the surgery, what do we do?  How do we have a wedding when one of the people who helped raise Philip has just passed?  I can't even think of that.  

I'm in tears thinking of either possibility.  This is supposed to be a happy time.  Where is my happiness?  

I wish we could just postpone the wedding.  But, I don't think it's a possibility.  Invitations have gone out.  Deposits (or more) have been paid.  People have made travel arrangements already. 

I hate this so much.  I just want to cancel it all and curl up in a ball to sleep for weeks.  

Pop-Pop is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met.  He reminds me so much of Philip (or I guess Philip reminds me of him since he's the elder person).  I joke that I know that I don't have anything to worry about for our future because I know exactly what Philip will be like when he's older -- Pop-Pop.  

Pop-Pop and Philip playing croquet. 

I've written about the ceremony that I wrote myself for our wedding.  In the welcome, I address Philip's Grammy and Pop-Pop.  You see, our wedding day falls on their wedding anniversary.  So, Jon will say something like, "May Philip and Tara enjoy a long and happy marriage like yours."  

I find myself working on wedding projects and thinking, "Why am I doing this?  This doesn't mean anything."  

Now, not only will most of my family not be there, but neither will most of Philip's family.  Right now, I've got 24 Yes RSVPs.  Realistically, we will have 10, maybe 15 more.  Out of the 160 people we invited, we will be lucky to have 40.  It's so depressing.  

We've put so much time, effort, and money into what will amount to nothing more than a large backyard barbecue.

I'm sorry to be a Debbie Downer.  I know it's not what you want to read.  I just have to let it out somewhere.  I knew that I'd be stressed at the end, I just had no idea that I'd be stressed anything other than "Did we order enough cake?" or "Did I remember to bring my veil?"  You know, the usual stuff.  I didn't think we'd be dealing with Pop-Pop's health issues or a lack of guests to celebrate with.  

I just have to keep reminding myself that it will still be a wonderful day spent with the love of my life.  And, we will have a freakin' awesome 10 day Italian honeymoon to wash any sorrows away with.  And then I will get to come home and celebrate with the family I wish could've been there.  

Oh, the things I would change about this wedding if I could just go back in time. 

Wedding Breakdown #1

It finally happened: my first wedding breakdown.  I've been pretty proud of myself for remaining calm, cool, and collected.  I didn't go so far as "bridezilla" but it still makes me feel a bit nutty.

I made no secret of how stressed the invitations made me.  They took forever and I was worried how people would like them.  It turns out that everyone (at least everyone who has said anything to me!) has loved them.  My hard work paid off.

I thought that would be the end of that stress.  Not so much.  I was super excited on Thursday when I received the first set of RSVPs back.  I received a few more on Friday and Saturday.  My excitement is waning.  

I knew going into this wedding that a great many of my friends and family members would be unable to make the trip to Pennsylvania for our wedding.  Well, at least I thought I knew.  Each time I get a "No" response from a family member, it hurts.  So far, none of the No RSVPs have been surprises.  I knew that it would be really difficult for these people to make it to PA.  That doesn't make my heart break any less.  

I have a very large family and it's looking like pretty much just my immediate family will be there to celebrate our wedding with us.  And, it hurts.  I don't blame the people who cannot be there with us, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept.  

Philip will have all of his aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins there with him.  I won't.  I hadn't said anything to Philip about all of this.  I knew that he'd feel terrible.  

It's because of Philip that we are having this wedding in Pennsylvania.  His dad is unable to take vacation from his job so he wouldn't be able to travel anywhere other than Pennsylvania (where he lives) for a wedding.  I wanted Philip to be able to have his dad there for our day, so Pennsylvania was it.  After all, my parents are capable of traveling to Pennsylvania (from Indiana) for a wedding. 

So, I've kept quiet.  However, it's been eating at me.  Friday night, after another batch of no RSVPs arrived, Philip excitedly opened the envelopes.  I excused myself to the bathroom to cry.  I played it off as I just needed to use the restroom but I think he knew something was wrong.  Then Philip tried to download something new on my phone and it messed up the layout of my whole phone.  I was irritated and snapped at him.  

For those of you who don't know me, this is very rare.  I'm a very laid back person.  I don't get upset or angry very easily.  It takes quite a bit to set me off.  That's one of the reasons I'm good at my job -- when an angry person calls in screaming and upset, I can calm them down just by remaining calm myself.  

So, Philip was shocked.  He of course gave me this heartbreaking look and asked me why I was so upset.  I couldn't answer so I just walked outside to sit down for a while and cry.  Philip left me alone for a few minutes (he knows me so well) and then came to talk to me.

He asked what was wrong and, of course, it all came pouring out.  He tried his best to calm me down and tell me how wonderful our wedding was going to be.  I told him that I felt like I was pouring my heart and soul (and countless hours) into planning a wedding that only his family was going to see.  

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Of course, he apologized profusely and held me while I cried (seriously, people.  I am under too much stress! lol).  Then I felt terrible and apologized to him.  

I am still upset about all of it, but honestly, I feel a whole lot better after getting everything off my chest.  Philip is wonderful for listening to me babble and cheering me up.  

I feel slightly crazy for all of it.  I can't help how I feel though.  I know that the wedding will still be beautiful and wonderful.  I just wish more of my family could be there to share it with me.  At least I will have our second reception in Indiana after the honeymoon to look forward to.  Hopefully getting everything off my chest will help me prevent breakdowns like this in the future!

To Do List for This Month

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We've arrived at the fun part of the planning, folks.  Now is the time when the stress starts affecting my body.  In the past few days, I've started having trouble breathing.  It only happens when I get stressed.  I need to relax and get everything under control.  

I know that it will be much better when I actually get these invitations out the door.  They are such a huge burden.  I don't know why I stress over these so much.  They are just going to be thrown away.  I really should have gone with something super simple and not even worried about it.  Especially since the way these invitations look does not show how much time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears have gone into them.  They seem relatively simple.  I can't believe how long they are taking and how much effort has gone into them.  It is disturbing.

Anyway, here's the rest of the things I'll be doing this month:

• Get BM shoes ordered 
• Order programs from Vistaprint 
• Order special wedding underwear 
• Order honeymoon lingerie 
• Buy garters 
• Order Indiana reception postcards 
• Complete OOT bags 
• DIY flower hangers for ceremony (for on aisle chairs) 
• Order paper lanterns 
• Buy lights for paper lanterns  
• Order burlap for table runners
• Order mason jars for centerpieces
• Complete favors: phase 2
• Finish Vanilla favors
• Order train passes for honeymoon
• Address envelopes for invitations
• Finish RSVPs
• Stuff and seal envelopes
• Buy stamps for invitations & RSVPs
• Mail invitations by July 30th.
• Order dinnerware
• DIY flower girl basket
• Ask people to be readers
• Order flowers
• Reserve wedding night hotel
• Finish guest book

That's all I can think of right now.  And I'm sure that's more than enough to keep me busy for the next month.  Wish me luck, readers.  I am going to need it.