ONE!

I'm a little behind.  Yesterday was actually the one month mark, but I wasn't feeling up to blogging.  I haven't had a whole lot of motivation this week for wedding related stuff.  I'm starting to feel better though, so it's time to knock out the last of the stuff I need to do for the wedding.  

I didn't get nearly as much stuff done this month as I had hoped.  A lot came up and then I just really wasn't feeling working on wedding stuff.  I'm so glad that I planned ahead on a lot of this stuff so that I don't have to freak out right now.  

Here's what I want to get done this month:

• Order programs
• Order and send Indiana Reception postcards
• Reserve wedding night hotel (yeah, I know)
• Get BM shoes ordered (still waiting on my BM to decide!)
• Buy garters
• DIY flower hangers
• Buy mason jars for centerpieces
• Finish burlap table runners
• Finish Guest Book
• Finish burlap bunting
• Order flowers
• Order "chalkboard" seating chart
• Stock the bar
• Confirmation emails with all vendors
• Complete the favors
• Pack for the honeymoon
• Transport everything to Mom's house
• Send out the wedding packet to the VIPs
• Confirm RD details

That's all I can think of right now.  I'm chopping some stuff off of my original to do list.  I'm running out of time and motivation and some stuff just has to go.  It's not as important as I originally thought it would be.  Wish me luck!

The Show Must Go On...

I'm tired of being depressed.  This wedding may not be exactly as I imagined it to be, but it's still the day that I will have to show the world that Philip and I choose to spend the rest of our lives together.  A lot of important people will be missing that day, but the two most important people will still be there: Philip and I.  

And, honestly, that's what is important.  My parents will be there.  Philip's parents will be there.  Our siblings will be there.  Many people in our families will be there.  And, a good many of our friends are making the journey to be there.  

It's going to be beautiful, even if it's a bit smaller than I had imagined.  There will still be people there who love us and want to share our day with us.  

So, we are going to continue this wedding planning process.  And I'm going to enjoy it as much as possible.  Because this is still going to be a day to celebrate the love that Philip and I have for each other.  

I miss the times when wedding planning was fun.

I'm not complaining about the long list of things left to do.  I'm not complaining about money.  This issue is different entirely.

You all know that we spent last week in Pennsylvania visiting Philip's grandfather (Pop-Pop) in the hospital because he had a series of strokes and a heart attack.  Well, a heart valve is still leaking and they need to do surgery.  He also has some sort of bacterial infection on his heart.  He is supposed to be on a 6 week antibiotic and then have surgery afterwards.  He had yet another heart attack while he was in the hospital a few days ago.  They thought about moving up the surgery but didn't because his chances of survival would be really low.  

Now they are trying to make it to September 22nd to do the surgery.  His chances of making it through that surgery are "touch and go" (I swear, if I have to hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to slap someone).  If he has to have the surgery before then, the chances of survival are even more slim.  

For those of you who may have missed that, the surgery is scheduled for 2 days before our wedding.  Philip's dad's side of the family are telling us that they won't make it to the wedding.  They will hopefully be by their father's side while he is making a full recovery in the hospital.  I hope so much that this is the case.

If that is the case, we will be celebrating what is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives without a lot of very important people.  

If the unthinkable happens and Pop Pop doesn't make it through the surgery, what do we do?  How do we have a wedding when one of the people who helped raise Philip has just passed?  I can't even think of that.  

I'm in tears thinking of either possibility.  This is supposed to be a happy time.  Where is my happiness?  

I wish we could just postpone the wedding.  But, I don't think it's a possibility.  Invitations have gone out.  Deposits (or more) have been paid.  People have made travel arrangements already. 

I hate this so much.  I just want to cancel it all and curl up in a ball to sleep for weeks.  

Pop-Pop is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met.  He reminds me so much of Philip (or I guess Philip reminds me of him since he's the elder person).  I joke that I know that I don't have anything to worry about for our future because I know exactly what Philip will be like when he's older -- Pop-Pop.  

Pop-Pop and Philip playing croquet. 

I've written about the ceremony that I wrote myself for our wedding.  In the welcome, I address Philip's Grammy and Pop-Pop.  You see, our wedding day falls on their wedding anniversary.  So, Jon will say something like, "May Philip and Tara enjoy a long and happy marriage like yours."  

I find myself working on wedding projects and thinking, "Why am I doing this?  This doesn't mean anything."  

Now, not only will most of my family not be there, but neither will most of Philip's family.  Right now, I've got 24 Yes RSVPs.  Realistically, we will have 10, maybe 15 more.  Out of the 160 people we invited, we will be lucky to have 40.  It's so depressing.  

We've put so much time, effort, and money into what will amount to nothing more than a large backyard barbecue.

I'm sorry to be a Debbie Downer.  I know it's not what you want to read.  I just have to let it out somewhere.  I knew that I'd be stressed at the end, I just had no idea that I'd be stressed anything other than "Did we order enough cake?" or "Did I remember to bring my veil?"  You know, the usual stuff.  I didn't think we'd be dealing with Pop-Pop's health issues or a lack of guests to celebrate with.  

I just have to keep reminding myself that it will still be a wonderful day spent with the love of my life.  And, we will have a freakin' awesome 10 day Italian honeymoon to wash any sorrows away with.  And then I will get to come home and celebrate with the family I wish could've been there.  

Oh, the things I would change about this wedding if I could just go back in time. 

DIY Flower Girl Basket

I finally sat down today and finished the flower girl basket.  I changed plans from a while back and decided to incorporate the burlap in with it (trying to tie everything together).  This is what I came up with:

I wish I could've gotten better pictures.  My battery went dead after getting just these three pictures.  I promise to charge my camera battery and put up some more photos later.  Especially so you can see how the burlap lines the inside and how the ribbon is layered on the handle.  :)

It basically cost me nothing.  I've had the basket for years.  I don't even remember where I bought it.  I had the ribbon leftover from the invitations.  And, the burlap is extra from the giant roll of burlap that I bought for the table runners and other projects. 

I like it.  It's simple.  And it took only about half an hour to put together.  And, if I wouldn't have been watching The Lost Boys at the same time, I probably could have put it together in half that time!  ;)  

Happy Engage-versary to us!

I want to apologize for the lack of activity on the blog for the past week.  Philip and I found out that his grandfather was in the hospital late Friday night and immediately drove the 1,600 miles to Pennsylvania to be with him.  We stopped off in Indiana to drop off the dogs at my parents' house and to get a break from driving.  After a few hours break, we got back in the car and finished the drive.  It was about 31 hours of travel.  It was exhausting, but at least we made it safely.  We actually just got back to Colorado this morning at about 4:30am.  

Philip's grandfather is doing as well as can be expected after a series of strokes and a heart attack.  He also has some kind of bacterial infection.  By the time we left, he was doing much better, but he's still got a long road ahead of him and probably some surgeries.


Anyway, I meant to blog about our engagement anniversary, but I was in a hospital in Pennsylvania and couldn't blog very easily!  So, August 14th was our one year engagement anniversary.  I thought I'd celebrate it by telling you all of the story of how it came about.


Philip and I had been discussing marriage for quite some time.  I tried to convince Philip that I didn't want an engagement ring, but he couldn't be swayed.  So, I showed him the kinds of rings that I like.  


Several weeks later, we were cooking out at our house and just relaxing.  When we finished, I started cleaning up and Philip went to check the mail.  I was tired from being in the sun all day so I laid down on the couch and started to drift off to sleep.  I heard Philip come into the house and I yelled out to him "What came in the mail?"  Then I heard him kneel behind the couch and say, "This did."  


I opened my eyes to see what he was talking about and saw a beautiful box holding an even more beautiful ring.  I immediately jumped up (not so tired anymore!) and Philip asked me to marry him.  Of course, I said YES!  


I asked him if he had talked to my parents about it and he said that he hadn't.  So, I took a photo of my ring on my finger and sent it to my mom, my dad, and my sister with the simple message, "Guess what!"  


It was just a few minutes later when I got a call back from my parents.  They were ecstatic as I knew they would be.  :)  Then we started telling our friends.  And, of course, we made it Facebook official (after all, nothing is official until it's on Facebook!).  

There you have it!  We started thinking about a date that day.  We knew we wanted a September wedding and, of course, it needed to be in Yankee colors.  And, it was decided that day that we'd be honeymooning in Italy.  And, then the whirlwind of wedding planning began. It's been quite an adventure.  Only 37 days to go!  Yuck!  

It's Arrived!

Somehow, that just doesn't sound as good as "It's Alive!"  But, you get where I was going with that now.  

Anywho, you're probably wondering what exactly arrived.  This did:

My lovely burlap is here!  The box was heavier than I thought it would be.  That was mostly from this item:

It was delivered to my office, so I'm not going to open it until I get home (I don't want to end up with burlap strings all over my office!).  

The box also contained these:

But I'm not going to tell you what they are yet!  They're a surprise for another day.  Have a wonderful weekend, readers!  :)

Ceremony Question

I've received the following question a few times now:

I know you said that you weren't going to reveal your ceremony before the big day, but I was hoping that you could share it with me so that I may gain inspiration from it.  I promise not to copy word for word and I won't reveal it.  

I'm sorry ladies, but I am holding strong on this.  I put a lot of effort into building our ceremony to fit us.  I poured my heart and soul into it, so I don't want it borrowed before we have a chance to use it.  

I apologize if this bothers any of my readers, but it's something I feel strongly about.  This ceremony is ours.  I will make it available here after our ceremony is over.  

I would just suggest that you take inspiration from one of the books that I used:

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It's The Wedding Ceremony Planner: the essential guide to the most important part of your wedding day by Reverend Judith Johnson, PhD.  It was very helpful to me.  I also took a lot of inspiration from online sources.  

• http://weddings.about.com/cs/bridesandgrooms/a/vowwording.htm
• http://weddings.about.com/b/2006/07/06/the-ring-ceremony-sample-wording-for-the-exchange-of-rings.htm
• http://www.todays-weddings.com/planning/readings.html
• http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/09/24/write-your-own-wedding-ceremony/

Many others as well.  I just did google searches for whatever I was looking for at the time.  Hopefully that will help.  Thanks for your understanding, readers!

Paper Lanterns: Bought!

It's been an expensive day!  I bought the napkins, the burlap, and now the paper lanterns.  Ouch!

I spent a while tonight trying to figure out how many paper lanterns to buy.  Our tent is 45'x30'.  I want the lanterns to really make a statement.  I don't like this:

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It's nice, but I want something more dramatic, like this:

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So, I bought 80 paper lanterns.  I'm sure that the people helping me set up the tent on the Friday before the wedding will not be super happy with me about that!  ;)  Sorry, folks!  

I didn't want them all to be the same color, but I didn't want to sway too far away from the white color spectrum.  So, I bought white, ivory, and cream colored paper lanterns. 

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It's not a huge difference in the color but it's enough to show that they are all different (at least that's the way I see it in my head!).  I bought:

Six 8" white lanterns

Twelve 8" white lanterns

Six 16" white lanterns
One 24" white lantern

Six 8" cream lanterns
Sixteen 12" cream lanterns
Six 16" cream lanterns

Ten 8" ivory lanterns
Twelve 12" ivory lanterns
Six 16" ivory lanterns

So, I've got a range of sizes and colors to work with.  I think it will be beautiful.  :)  I spent $106.78 on the 81 paper lanterns (including shipping).  I bought them from Jade Time.  The company had good reviews and it was by far the cheapest I found for paper lanterns.  I got a 5% discount (woo hoo, right?! lol) from "liking" them on Facebook.  The coupon code for the discount is JDFB411L.  

I was going to have them shipped directly to my mom so that I wouldn't have to worry about getting them there, but it was cheaper to ship them to my house.  So, they'll be joining me on my long journey to Indiana the week before the wedding. 

With all of this getting bought or finished, the wedding is feeling really real.  I suppose it should be since it's only 45 days away!  Aaaaaah!

Invitation FAQs

Since revealing my invitations, I've received a number of questions via comments, emails, and messages on WeddingBee.  I'm going to try to address them all here.

1.)  How did you make your map insert?

It was time consuming, but really very simple.  I've already addressed this in previous blog posts.  You can see them here, here, here, and here.  I figured out how to do it from using this tutorial.  I don't think I have a whole lot to add to what she already said.  Except, I used Google Maps instead of Mapquest!  

2.)  What did you include in your invitation inserts?

I think the better question is what didn't I include on the inserts!  I tried to be as thorough as possible.  I did a map insert, a directions insert, an information insert, and a reception insert.  The map insert was just a map.  The directions insert included directions to the ceremony and from the ceremony to the reception.  The information and reception inserts included a bunch of information that I thought the guests could use like:

• Accommodation suggestions
• Our wedding website (and my email)
• Appropriate attire
• Information about the event (outdoor ceremony with tent reception)
• Cocktail hour and dinner times (and listed that it would be buffet)
• Non-smoking ceremony/reception (we both have smokers in our families and we didn't want there to be any surprise that they weren't allowed to smoke at the ceremony or near the tent!)

I would suggest that you include anything that will help your guests get through the day.  If you're having an outdoor wedding in Florida in August, make sure your guests know that!  If you're going to have your guests sitting on straw bales for the ceremony, that might be something the ladies (dresses!) might want to know (straw is not comfortable on bare legs!).  If children are not allowed, make it very clear.  If you are having a formal wedding, make sure you tell your guests exactly what they need to wear.  If you're not going to have a full dinner (simple hors d'oeurves reception), make sure your guests know (hungry guests will not be happy guests).  

Guests do not want surprises (unless they're good ones!).  Make sure you inform your guests so that there are no issues and your day goes smoothly!

3.)  How did you make your pocketfold?  What were the measurements?

I addressed this over several blog posts.  First I cut out the paper, then I folded them in the appropriate places, then I glued the pockets down.  You can see all of my pocketfold posts by clicking here.  For quick reference, I will repost the measurements I used for the pocketfold.

If you're buying the 20"x26" paper from Paper Source like I did, you can simply cut the paper into 5 strips of 5"x20", like this:

You'll have a one inch strip leftover on the one end, but it's not that much waste.  

4.)  How did you get the inserts to fit so nicely?

The pocketfold was 5 inches across so I made the inserts 4 inches across to make sure that they would fit once the sides were glued down (I thought an inch would be plenty of room and I was correct).  The height of the pocket was 6 inches, so I made the first insert (the map) 5.75" (to leave a little room above the inserts).  I made each of the other inserts 1/2" less than the previous (so the map was 5.75", the directions were 5.25", the information was 4.75", and the reception insert was 4.25").  Then I put the title in a font that would not exceed half an inch (so that each title would be able to be seen above the next, like so:

Each insert has a title that can be easily seen without being overlapped by the other inserts.  It has a clean look that I like.  :)  I didn't want to ruin the feng shui I had going on so I put the RSVPs on the outside of the pocketfold (in between the belly band and the pocketfold).  I think it looked much better that way!

5.)  How did you make your belly bands?

I cut out a piece of cardboard that was 7" across (the same as the pocketfold).  Then I tied the ribbon around it and made a simple double knot (I didn't want anything complex).  Once I had them all done, I could simply slide the belly band over the completed pocketfold and RSVP.  

I think that's all for now.  I've received requests for the template, but I've given you all the information you need.  If I gave out the template, I'd have to go back in and delete all of the personal information and it's just not something I've got time for right now.  Besides, you'd just end up with blank documents in the right size!  I have faith that all of you can come up with those on your own!  ;)  If you've got other questions, please let me know and I'll try to answer them as best as I can.  

Deals on Linens!

I'd like to let all of you know about a great sale going on over at Linen Tablecloth (the online store).  They have great prices every day, but they have a sale going on until Friday at midnight.  You get 18.3% off your order of napkins, table runners, overlays, and sashes.  It's their "Dare You Not To Go Bare" sale!  

I took advantage of this deal and scored myself some napkins for the wedding.  The napkins I wanted were the 17" navy blue poly napkins.  They are going to be the "pop" of color at our reception.  Most of our tent will be decorated in neutral colors (ivory, white, burlap, etc.), so I wanted something small to add just a little spice.  And, our other color is navy blue so it just makes sense.  :)

Anyway, the napkins are normally $6.99 a dozen.  However, they are on sale right now for $5.99.  And, I got the 18.3% discount on top of that.  So, I paid about $4.89 per dozen for them.  That works out to about 41¢ a napkin.  Most of the places I found to rent napkins are 75¢ a piece or more.  So, it works out much better to just buy the napkins.  I can either hang on to them after the wedding or sell them.  

So, 120 of these beauties:

are on their way to see me.  Well, actually they're being shipped to my mom.  I'm not expecting nearly that many guests at our wedding, but I wanted to make sure we have plenty of extras on hand, just in case.  

Remember to take advantage of the sale before Friday night at midnight!  To use it, sign up for a retail account and use the code NOBAREHERE.  Happy linen shopping!

Burlap News

I bought burlap this morning.  I'm going to be using it for the table runners as well as a few other decoration projects.  I'm a little nervous because I haven't worked with burlap before but I'm determined to make it work.  I just love the way it looks!

I bought the burlap from Uline.  I bought it in a 12" x 100 yards roll. 

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First up, the table runners.  I am really hoping that these suckers are easy to sew!  I don't think it will be too awfully complex.  I bought the 12" roll purposely so that I wouldn't have to cut and sew much.  I'm going to leave the edges as they are.  Then I'll just have to cut them to fit the tables length-wise and then sew up the ends.  I haven't decided if I'm going to cut them straight across or put in a pattern at the ends (possibly a V or an inverted V).  It will depend on how easy the burlap is to work with.  

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Next up, these beautiful burlap pew cones.  I'm going to use them to hang from the chairs on the end of the rows at our ceremony (previously I had thought about pails or cans but I just fell in love with these).  You can buy a tutorial on Etsy for these (or just buy them for $10), but I'm just going to wing it.  I mean, how hard can it really be?  (I'm fairly certain this is how a lot of terrible DIY projects begin!  ha!).  

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After that, I will be attempting some burlap bunting.  I want it to say "Love is Sweet."  And then I'm going to put it around the cake table.  :)  I think it will be fantastic.  I don't think that this project will be that hard, but I'm probably going to save it for last because I don't want to run out of time on the other burlap projects.  If I've still got time for this one, then I'll work on it.  If not, I won't be completely heartbroken.  

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Lastly, I will probably be wrapping our mason jars in burlap and ribbon for the centerpieces.  First I'm going to finish the burlap table runners and see if putting burlap on the mason jars will be too much burlap for one table.  I think it will be fine since I plan on putting the jars on top of the vintage books, but I want to make sure.  If I do decide to do this project, It should be super simple.  First, I'll have to find the mason jars!  Anyone know anyplace I can get pint sized mason jars for cheap??  

How To: Mr. & Mrs. Chair Signs

A while back, I made Mr. & Mrs. signs for the chairs at the reception.  I promised you all a tutorial, so here it is.

First, pick up your supplies.  I bought all of mine from Michaels (you can always find coupons for that place!).  You will need the following:

• Light colored acrylic paint (I used Ivory)
• Dark colored acrylic paint (I used Gold)
• Crackle medium
• Paint brushes
• Twine, ribbon, or string of some sort (for the handle)
• A wooden plaque
• A drill (optional -- easiest way to attach the string)
• Pen and pencil
• Template/stencil

Once you've got your supplies together, it's time to start painting.  First, put on a coat of the dark colored paint.  Make sure the paint coats the wood evenly.  It will probably take more than one coat of paint.

Once the dark paint dries, put on a coat of the crackle medium.  Let that dry and then put on a coat of the light colored paint.  

The paint will begin to crackle almost immediately.  Allow the paint to dry completely (at least a few hours), and then you can begin the process of putting the words on the signs.  

I made my "stencils" on Microsoft Word.  I chose Edwardian Script.  I printed the words "Mr." and "Mrs." in a large font and then cut them into rectangles so that they would fit over the plaques.  

I used a pencil to shade in the backside of the paper making sure to cover the entire surface (at least the places where there is writing on the front).  

Then tape the stencils to the plaques.  Then use your pen to trace the letters.  Press hard so that it will leave the outline (from the pencil shading) on the plaques.  

Remove the paper and you should have an outline like this one:

Now you can fill it in with paint.  I was going to use the gold paint that I used as a base, but I wanted it to be darker.  So, I added some black paint to it and then filled in the outline.  

Allow the paint to dry before moving on to the next step (you don't want to smudge the paint and have to attempt to fix it!).  [Side note: the crackle medium recommends sealing the paint with a varnish.  I didn't do it because I was afraid that the paint would smear.  And, I am not using them where they will be exposed to the weather, so I thought they would be okay.  You should decide what you think will be best for your signs.]  

Once the paint is completely dry, you can drill the holes for the ribbon/twine/string (you can use whatever you'd like -- it's to hang the signs from the chair).  You don't necessarily have to drill the holes.  You could find some other way to attach the string.  I just thought it was the easiest way for me.

I drilled a hole on each side of the top of the plaques (in the corners).  I was just going to feed the twine through the holes, but it looked too thin.  So, I took three pieces of twine and braided them together.  Then I took the braided strand and fed it through the holes.  I tied a knot in both ends of the strand to hold it in place (the knots are on the back of the plaques so they cannot be seen).  

Voila!  Now you've got two beautiful signs for your chairs at the wedding.  I'm super pleased with them.

I've also seen these done with "bride" and "groom" or even the names of the bride and groom.  I liked the idea of Mr. and Mrs. because it's the whole point of the wedding, right?  However, I still wanted to be able to use them after the wedding, so I didn't want to use bride and groom.  Philip and I have his and hers closets, so I'm going to use them on the closet doors as decoration after the wedding.  :)


So, what do you think?!

Vanilla Update + More FAQs

I thought you all might like to see how the vanilla favors are coming along.  It's now been 3 weeks (21 days) since I put them together.  They are darkening up nicely!

Most of the bottles look like that.  However, a few aren't getting dark as quickly.  I think maybe they have defective beans.  I shook all of the bottles again today.  I'll check them again in a few days and if those few bottles still aren't looking darker, I'll add some new beans.  

Anyway, I've had a few more questions asked about these.  So, here goes:

1.)  How long do they take?

Most recipes online suggest that the bottles "stew" for at least 2 months.  Others say three months.  I have just over 2 months for the bottles to get ready.  Since it's been less than a month and most of my bottles are already super dark, I don't think it's going to be an issue.  The vanilla will keep for a long time (most places I've seen at least 2 years), so it can be made even earlier if you'd like.

2.)   Can you get drunk off the vanilla extract?

Honestly, I'm really surprised that I keep getting this question.  Since the favors are just vodka and vanilla beans, I'm sure that you probably would get intoxicated from drinking it straight up.  However, I don't know why you'd want to drink vanilla extract.  It's mostly used for baking.  I do not want anyone to take offense here, but I think that if your first response to these favors is "I bet I can get drunk off those," you might want to seek help for an alcohol problem.  

3.)  Where did you get the bottles and corks for the favors?

I've already addressed this, but as a reminder, I got them from Save-on-Crafts.  They were 49¢ a piece (plus shipping).  That included the bottles and corks.  I had a few broken bottles, but they sent me replacements right away.  However, they never responded to any of my emails so I had to call them (and wait on hold for a while) in order to speak to customer service.  I think they were well worth the little bit of hassle. 

I think that's all I've got for now.  If you've got any other questions, let me know and I'll try to answer them!  :)

Honeymoon: PAID IN FULL!

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Yep.  It's official.  Our honeymoon is paid in full!  We bought the train tickets on Friday night when Philip got home from work.  

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We didn't want to have to drive between the cities, so we opted for the train.  We went with the Eurail pass for a single country (Italy, duh!).  We are honeymooning in style, so we went with first class.  

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Philip has never been on a train (besides the subway in NY) so this should be interesting.  We'll get to see the Italian countryside while relaxing in all of our first class train ride glory.  :)

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We will be taking the train from Rome to Florence, Florence to Venice, Venice to Naples, Naples to Pompeii, Pompeii to Naples, and Naples to Rome.  It's going to be a lot of traveling, but it's going to be so much fun!  I am SO ready for this honeymoon!  Only 48 days until we leave!  (Holy crap!  That means only 47 days until the wedding!  :S)

Wedding Breakdown #1

It finally happened: my first wedding breakdown.  I've been pretty proud of myself for remaining calm, cool, and collected.  I didn't go so far as "bridezilla" but it still makes me feel a bit nutty.

I made no secret of how stressed the invitations made me.  They took forever and I was worried how people would like them.  It turns out that everyone (at least everyone who has said anything to me!) has loved them.  My hard work paid off.

I thought that would be the end of that stress.  Not so much.  I was super excited on Thursday when I received the first set of RSVPs back.  I received a few more on Friday and Saturday.  My excitement is waning.  

I knew going into this wedding that a great many of my friends and family members would be unable to make the trip to Pennsylvania for our wedding.  Well, at least I thought I knew.  Each time I get a "No" response from a family member, it hurts.  So far, none of the No RSVPs have been surprises.  I knew that it would be really difficult for these people to make it to PA.  That doesn't make my heart break any less.  

I have a very large family and it's looking like pretty much just my immediate family will be there to celebrate our wedding with us.  And, it hurts.  I don't blame the people who cannot be there with us, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept.  

Philip will have all of his aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins there with him.  I won't.  I hadn't said anything to Philip about all of this.  I knew that he'd feel terrible.  

It's because of Philip that we are having this wedding in Pennsylvania.  His dad is unable to take vacation from his job so he wouldn't be able to travel anywhere other than Pennsylvania (where he lives) for a wedding.  I wanted Philip to be able to have his dad there for our day, so Pennsylvania was it.  After all, my parents are capable of traveling to Pennsylvania (from Indiana) for a wedding. 

So, I've kept quiet.  However, it's been eating at me.  Friday night, after another batch of no RSVPs arrived, Philip excitedly opened the envelopes.  I excused myself to the bathroom to cry.  I played it off as I just needed to use the restroom but I think he knew something was wrong.  Then Philip tried to download something new on my phone and it messed up the layout of my whole phone.  I was irritated and snapped at him.  

For those of you who don't know me, this is very rare.  I'm a very laid back person.  I don't get upset or angry very easily.  It takes quite a bit to set me off.  That's one of the reasons I'm good at my job -- when an angry person calls in screaming and upset, I can calm them down just by remaining calm myself.  

So, Philip was shocked.  He of course gave me this heartbreaking look and asked me why I was so upset.  I couldn't answer so I just walked outside to sit down for a while and cry.  Philip left me alone for a few minutes (he knows me so well) and then came to talk to me.

He asked what was wrong and, of course, it all came pouring out.  He tried his best to calm me down and tell me how wonderful our wedding was going to be.  I told him that I felt like I was pouring my heart and soul (and countless hours) into planning a wedding that only his family was going to see.  

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Of course, he apologized profusely and held me while I cried (seriously, people.  I am under too much stress! lol).  Then I felt terrible and apologized to him.  

I am still upset about all of it, but honestly, I feel a whole lot better after getting everything off my chest.  Philip is wonderful for listening to me babble and cheering me up.  

I feel slightly crazy for all of it.  I can't help how I feel though.  I know that the wedding will still be beautiful and wonderful.  I just wish more of my family could be there to share it with me.  At least I will have our second reception in Indiana after the honeymoon to look forward to.  Hopefully getting everything off my chest will help me prevent breakdowns like this in the future!