Saturday evening, Philip and I were watching Deadwood (very good show if you haven't seen it!). At the end of the show, the song Will the Circle Be Unbroken? began to play. I immediately felt tears come to my eyes.
It's not because of the song lyrics. It's because of the memory that it brings to mind. One of the clearest memories I have of my grandfather is of him clapping and singing that song. He died in 1999 when I was 13.
Because it's been so long and because I was fairly young, I don't feel the pain of his death much anymore. My grandmother (his wife), died in 2005 when I was 20. I was really close to her. I still feel a much more constant grief for her. I see so much in my everyday life that reminds me of her. I miss her terribly.
In planning the wedding, I often think of them. I wish so much that they could be a part of our day. Neither one of them ever even met Philip. Of course, I know that they would love him (as everyone else in my family does). I just want them there with me.
I know it's not fair, but sometimes I feel pangs of jealousy for Philip. He still has both sets of grandparents. I only ever had one set and they're both long gone. I love all four of Philip's grandparents. They are absolutely amazingly wonderful people. They have accepted me as their own. I love spending time with them. I just wish I had my grandparents, too.
I've been thinking lately about how to include them in our wedding day. I plan to have our celebrant say something in remembrance of them, but I'd also like to have something physical there with us the day of. The only thing I have of my grandmother's is an old family Bible. I do not want to take that with me (I don't want to take any chances with it). I don't think I have anything of my grandfather's. I need to talk with some family members to see if they have any ideas.
So, how about it, family members? Any ideas?